이벤트

다음 아이비리그 등 명문대에 진학한 학생들의 실전 사례를 보자.



(교정 전) I have seen many kids in my school who are vulnerable to the stress for higher GPA.
(교정 후) I have seen many teenagers in my school who are vulnerable to the stress for higher GPA.

“kids”는 격식에 맞지 않는 구어적 표현. “children”, “students”, “teenagers” 등으로 고친다.



(교정 전) Oprah Winfrey unwaveringly walked the road to her dream by pouring tons and tons of efforts.
(교정 후) Oprah Winfrey unwaveringly walked the road to her dream by pouring tremendous efforts.

“엄청난”으로는 “enormous”, “tremendous”, “incredible” 등이 있다.



(교정 전) The creature exposed his awful body to wreak havoc on the show.
(교정 후) The creature exposed his detestable body to wreak havoc on the show.

“awful”과 “awesome” 둘 다 격식에 맞지 않는 표현. 형용사 “detestable(혐오스러운)”로 대체한다.



(교정 전) He knew having a lot of money can be relaxing to some people but not for him.
(교정 후) He knew financial success can be relaxing to some people but not for him.

“having money”도 격식이 떨어지고 “a lot of”도 격식이 떨어진다. 따라서 “financial success (금전적 성공)”으로 대체한다.



(교정 전) He depicts his opponents as going overboard with their claims, thus intentionally ignoring the point of the issue.
(교정 후) He depicts his opponents as unreasonably obsessive with their claims, thus intentionally ignoring the point of the issue.

감정 표현이 격하면 격이 떨어진다. “go overboard(잔뜩 열광하다)”는 격식에 맞지 않는 표현으로 “unreasonably obsessive(과도하게 집착하다)”라는 더 객관적인 표현으로 대체한다.



(교정 전) He claims that having less stuff is the key to happiness.
(교정 후) He claims that the detachment from possession is the key to happiness.

“having less stuff”는 매우 격식에 맞지 않는 표현. 그렇다면 “무소유”를 어떻게 표현하면 좋을까? “non-possession” 또는 “detachment from possession(소유물에 대한 무심함)”이 좋겠다.